Archive for the ‘Stressed’ Category

Fuck you Savannah Animal Hospital!

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

Note: Grab a bottle of vodka and count the fucks, cause girlies on a rampage today.

I know I haven’t posted in a while, and frankly I don’t care – I have a life and a job and that’s where my focus is… so, oh fucking well.  Why am I posting now? Because I’m beyond fucking pissed the fuck off.

Bella’s veterinarian has decided that they will not provide me with a written prescription for Bella’s medication. Originally I had one in my hand, but they made it null and void when I requested a refill on her eye drops. It was given to me a few weeks ago, but based on schedules and deadlines I was unable to get it mailed out to 1-800-Pet-Meds to have it filled.  I had to make the choice (which I wasn’t thrilled about) of calling the vet today to request the immediate refill as she ran out last night.  The reason they revoked the prescription? They claim that 800PetMeds is not a ‘compounding pharmacy’ and the eye drops (1% Cyclosporine Ophthalmic Solution – Basically Restasis for dogs) received via 800PetMeds would need to be ‘diluted’ so it’s safer for her to get her drops.  Now, initially I though “OK, that’s a very weird reasoning to refuse affordable medication – lets look into it.” Because that’s exactly what my brain does – I question the fuck out of everything.  So, it was time to get on the phone.  After speaking with a rep from PetMeds they advised that the product I’d be receiving would be identical to the one that is provided via the vets office and the rep on the phone basically said “You’ve been misinformed as you’d be receiving the exact same product they’re overcharging for with no dilution required.  There’s also a good possibility that the prescription your vet is providing is coming from the exact same pharmaceutical company we received ours from.”

I appreciated the new information and now the gears are in overload. I went back to the listing for the medication on pet meds, read through the FAQ and it was confirmed a second time that the drops are in the correct strength LIQUID solution that I need.  So… that really only means one thing to me: It’s time to find a new vet.

I’ve praised this office over the years because of how nice the staff is, and how well of a job they did when I almost lost her a few years ago thanks to the fucking Milo’s Kitchen/DelMonte Foods debacle.  The one thing I was never thrilled about was just how much money I spend every single time I’ve had to go there – no matter what the reason.

Every time I walk into that damn office it costs me an arm and a leg. I’ve been to EMERGENCY vets in New York that didn’t cost me this much every month. I understand that having a special needs dog can take a toll on your bank account, but to be continuously ripped off because the vet would prefer their overprice prescriptions to be handled in house is highway robbery. It’s something I’m no longer going to stand for.

As of right now – I do have a one month supply that I had no choice but to pay for today since they voided the prescription from outside use. So now I’ll be spending the next month trying to figure out where else I can bring her and if some company SOMEWHERE IN THIS WORLD makes a baby-safe version of moisturizing eye drops that can be picked up over the counter.  Based on what I’ve been reading so-far, as an alternative I can get away with utilizing a simple saline solution in her eyes twice a day in replacement of the ‘medicated’ drops.  I know that no aspect of the prescription is doing anything for her at this point in time.  They aren’t going to magically bring back her vision, and considering the amount of gunk I’m cleaning out of them on a daily basis – the crap is clearly not even working anyway because for ‘moisturizing drops’ – her eyes are bone dry and bloodshot.

No one ever said that having a special needs dog was easy. This is something I’ve known for a while, I’m not naive, I’m not stupid. I’m someone whom loves her dog more than her dog (or this world) would ever know.  As a pet-parent, to a senior blind & diabetic pup, I’m watching her slow down more and more each and every single fucking day. She’s miserable when she gets her eyes cleaned out, she’s miserable with the two injections a day, she’s miserable when taking a walk around the block because she can’t freaking see anything and has to fully depend on me to make sure she’s not running into a ditch or about to bump into a curb. Her anxiety levels are through the freaking roof to the point I can’t even pee without her right under my feet, and forget me even going outside for two minutes to dump the trash – in her eye’s I’m leaving for a month long trip and she instantly starts with the temper tantrum because she’s not right on top of me.  She’s got growths all over her, one large one on her chest that’s in the same area as the massive tumor she’s previously had removed.

Minus the two diagnosis actually being medicated – I constantly bring up EVERYTHING ELSE to the doctors every single time she’s in the office and they just brush it off.  Why? I’m in here for HER health, not to worry about whether or not the other 10 dogs in the overcrowded waiting room get their 2 minutes of your time while your nurses do everything else. All I’m asking for is ten minutes of respect and the ability to have someone not only answer my questions, but tell me what’s wrong with my dog when I ask – or at least offer the tests to give me the answers.  If I’m concerned about a growth – run a damn test. If I tell you that the amount of water consumed every day has not gone down – even with the insulin – then run the test for Cushings that I’ve been demanding for the past 6 months.   If I’m constantly telling you about her shaking-in-the-corner-pissing-herself anxiety attacks – give me a pill OR even the recommendation on an over-the-counter sedative that’s safe to give her.  Why is it so difficult?

It’s not like I’m some junkie asking for drugs for me. My anxiety is easily fixed with a cup of coffee and a pack of cigs. If that doesn’t work, time to remodel the house cause mamma’s punching a god damn hole in the wall.  All I’m trying to do is make her last of the time she has left (no matter how long that is) more tolerable for her.  In no way shape or form do I want her to suffer through ANYTHING going on with her right now.  I’m refusing to put her down because she’s not suffering. When she’s ready to go, she’ll tell me.  If you’re even remotely close to your pets you know damn well when its their time (unless an outside source is involved).  Offices like these, who claim they take pride in their work and really care about their animals blow my god damn mind when they really just function completely on the fact that you would do anything for your pets even if it means taking out another mortgage on your house to cover their greed.

Why is it so wrong that someone whose barely keeping their head above water is interested in not only providing proper medical care for their pet but wanting to do it in a way that’s even remotely affordable? At this point I don’t have a single fucking credit card that isn’t completely maxed out because of medical bills or just daily life in general.  Every aspect of being an adult requires money, I’m not bitching over the fact that they also have ‘adulting’ to do in their own lives and they’re working to survive as well.  But being as they aren’t the ones whom actually MIX these solutions and then have the audacity to do a 300% up-charge because of “Supply & Demand” mentality – why do I have to just sit back and take it?

I work for a living too. I’m not some freeloader whose figured out a way to live off the system. I came from a blue collar family and know what doing 100+ hour weeks can do to ones psyche.  I don’t drive a brand new car and I’m living in a house that needs more work than I think I’ll ever be able to afford in my lifetime. I just need to be cut a little slack, and charging me more than double what something actually costs, on top of the $80 “Oh look, you walked through the door” fee is a freaking slap in the face.

So now, even though I’ve been ranting for the last 20 minutes I still need to not only finish a site that’s due this afternoon but locate and contact every single vets office within a 100 mile radius of me just to find out if there’s any possible way in hell of getting her medications for cheaper.  I’m so tempted to call her old vet in NY but I know damn well that a visit would be required and I have absolutely no money to even consider making that happen. I’m at my whits end. I 100% honestly have no idea what to do anymore.

I can’t believe it’s been a year…

Wednesday, March 18th, 2015

As I sit here with my third cup of coffee and my feet planted comfortably on the ottoman, it dawned on me that Sean and I have been homeowners for a year.  This time last year I was working on cleaning the house to remove all instances of funk left by the previous owners. The carpets were disgusting, the bathrooms made me cringe and the amount of dust and mildew on every one of the baseboards, countertops, windows and doors had me gagging.  You never truly realize how disgusting people are until you buy a house from them.

During the initial viewing of the house I knew this wasn’t my dream home (no where near it), but I knew it had the potential to be A LOT more than it was.  With little modifications, proper furniture and a deep, deep clean things were going to take shape to the point that the house leaned more towards my liking and less towards what the previous owners had left to rot.  During the inspection there were a lot of red flags, the most costly one being the fact that the original 30 year old roof was still on the house and absolutely nothing had been done with it.  The garage was inaccessible because of their issue with hoarding, and we didn’t even know there was a crawl space IN the garage because there was so much piled up in front of the door it was very easy to miss.  There were also a few questionable areas of just downright negligence on the owners part. The caked-on mold in windows that could have easily been taken care of with windex, lysol and ten minutes of work was the biggest concern, and one of my first areas of focus when I got in here with my massive box of cleaning supplies, but I digress.

When we were set to do the final walk through, we unfortunately had to do it with the accompaniment of an exterminator.  During the initial inspection, the inspector noted a small area of termite damage.  When the report was returned to the bank in January, nothing further was mentioned about it. Of course, 24 hours prior to the final walk through where we’d be then signing the paperwork and being handed the keys we were informed by the bank that an extermination is required, forcing us to put $2,000 unexpectedly into the house before we even had the damn keys in our hand.  The extermination was started at 6am on the morning of the 12th when we were supposed to get the keys.  Unfortunately we didn’t close on that day because the bank screwed up yet again and didn’t provide the proper paperwork to the lawyer and we were delayed – yet again – to close on the 14th.  Everyone was in a rush to get the paperwork completed, and when we walked in on the 14th there was no longer a wait or a fuck up on anyone’s behalf and we got the keys.

I was here for about 7 days cleaning this house before any instance of my belongings came into it (other than a radio and cleaning supplies, obviously).  We had Comcast come in to run the new cable lines (they used FIOS, we needed more internet than TV so Comcast was unfortunately our only choice). We put power, water, sewer were in our name and we attempted to keep the house warm with the $250 worth of oil we wound up having to pay for at signing that was also unexpected (Within a week we’d dropped $800 to have the tank filled completely, btw.  Another area where we got screwed).  Windows and doors were scrubbed to the point that the paint damn near came off of them, bathrooms were soaked so heavily in bleach that I had to wear a mask just to handle the fumes.  I’m convinced they wore sneakers when they showered considering the inch of slime I scraped off  the floors and walls of the showers/tubs.  I damn near burned out the motor on a carpet cleaner just to get the thick black stains out of the rug that they had so meticulously hidden with furniture and even in hindsight I know that spending the money to have Stanley Steamer come in would not have made the difference since they only make one to two passes over the carpet and I wound up focusing on single areas for upwards of a half our at a time. It was so bad in certain spots that I felt as though I was destroying the plywood underneath because of how saturated the carpet was after multiple passes just to scratch the surface.  With the color of the water being sucked up into the machine I was convinced that I was sucking the carpet padding right off of the plywood because there’s no excuse for a berber carpet to be that disgusting.

The kitchen was the biggest focus for me, I truly believe it’s the nucleus of a household. I had a stock of food, brand new pots and pans and kitchen supplies to move in but they weren’t coming anywhere near the house until I could get everything clean. The cabinets and countertops are very, very dated so by default I knew the kitchen, over time, would be completely redone. Initially though, I went at it with steel wool, bleach and elbow grease.  The cabinets damn near changed colors. The slime everywhere from built up cooking grease and dust was stomach turning.  And the further I got into cleaning the house, the more I hated the previous owners.

The bedrooms weren’t as bad as originally anticipated. I knew with curtain removal, adding mini blinds and a few gallons of paint things would take shape and as of right now that’s the track that we’re on.  While the carpets (throughout the whole house) need to be removed and replaced with either hardwood or low-pile berber, this didn’t stop me from setting up shop in the smallest of bedrooms so that I could have my office space. I painted the room a very pale grey, painted the ceiling in an effort to brighten things up and put a fresh coat of trim white on everything so it could pop.  The guest room is where Sean and I merged things.  He chose a bright blue for his office and whatever was left of that blue wound up being mixed in with the grey I had left for my office, boom – the guest room color was born. The same treatment went into the room.  The carpets were cleaned, the walls and trim received a fresh coat of paint and the curtains were thrown out and replaced with fresh bright linens to keep plenty of light in the room.  The mini-blinds were brought in for privacy and that’s that.

The master bedroom is where we’ve done nothing.  Yes, it was cleaned and the curtains were replaced with mini blinds and black-out panels but there’s no new color on the walls and we still don’t own any real ‘grown up’ furniture.  It’s just a dresser that was given to us and two $10 end-tables from Walmart that we’re using as night stands.  I have the paint colors picked out, but there’s a lack of overhead lighting in the room and knowing that we’ll be putting in a ceiling fan with light and having to get the walls patched up there was no point in moving forward.  Of course, by default, I have everything picked out that I want for the room from dressers to nightstands and even a headboard, it’s just something that will have to wait until we’ve got the money and the time to do it.  Sort of like everything else in the house.

I think one of the biggest changes we’ve made is replacing the original toilets in the master bath and hall bath.  I know that seems like a weird thing to say but when you’ve got two pink toilets that go back to the late 70’s… it’s time for an upgrade.  We did begin the remodel of the hall bathroom but that’s come to a stand-still, much like many of the projects in the house.  We utilized Rustoleum’s tub and tile refinisher and transformed the pink tub surround into a white one. A coat of pale green has gone on the walls and we need to purchase a new vanity because there’s a weird pink stone top that just looks horrible and needs to go.  We do have tile for the floor, but it’s yet to be laid down.  In reality it’d only take a few hours to get that bathroom completed but when you’re waiting on others for help it just doesn’t seem to get done.  Maybe one day, but doubtful that it will be anytime soon.

The basement has been the biggest pain in the ass. When initially taking a tour of the house Sean’s eyes lit up because he wanted a nice big room to plant his butt down in and one of the 3 bedrooms in the basement is where it’s remained.  The previous owners built up the basement (and did a piss poor job at it).  The walls weren’t even secured to the floor (which we only found out later on), they put in a kitchenette that doesn’t function as anything but something to take up space. They went crazy putting in a full bathroom that needs to be completely gutted and redone because it doesn’t function and they made it so wide that it cut off access to the water heater and sewer lines.  They boarded up a window with drywall (for no reason), and the way they have a sump-pump sitting in a bucket that the washing machine drains into makes absolutely no sense to me. The pump had to be replaced within the last few months because the basement flooded while doing laundry – that was heaps of fun.

At one point in time the humidifier on the furnace broke, the room closed to it flooded somehow because of it.  It was one of the bedrooms that I had originally planned on using as a guest room (later down the road) now is just a cement floor that’s been bleached a few times to avoid any mold damage.  Since they clearly had no knowledge of building codes they did a good job destroying the duct work to the point that there’s little to no efficiency capability from furnace and air conditioner. The main house is either freezing cold in the winter, or smoldering in the summer.  The den (which is part of the extension) was added on by the original owner of the home (the ones whom knew what they were doing). Industrial grade everything was used for the extension and it actually meets the efficiency requirements.

In an effort to start getting things together, we’ve had a lot of help.  Sean’s father and brother spent a few days completely rebuilding the deck off of the pantry (near the kitchen) in an effort to eradicate the termite damage. The sub-floor near the door even needed to be replaced because of how badly things were destroyed.  We do still need to install a new outside door to remove the issue we’re having with the draft, but the new stair case and landing are now more than likely the most solid structure on the outside of this house.  The rear deck (off the den) requires quite a few boards being replaced, this will hopefully be something we start on this summer.  The roof was started on, areas of concern were patched. We do still need to have a new roof laid down but we’re now scrambling for cash because of tax season so we’ve been set back a few months. It will hopefully be done this year, but we’ll see.

Our friend Colin has been down here quite a bit, and just about every time he comes down we have a project for him. Most recently was some remodeling to the laundry area in the basement to move a wall so that we could have a railing on the awkward basement stairs.  He’s also assisted with moving the stainless steel fridge from the basement to the kitchen.  The previous owners purchased the fridge but it was 6 inches too wide to fit in the area of the kitchen where it needed to be. So, with the removal of a few cabinets and some of the countertop the fridge fit right in place, and the smaller one that was already there is now the overflow fridge in the basement.  There was a freezer in the garage, Sean and I scrubbed the crap out of it and then had someone haul it away.  We had someone interested in paying us for it but they were creepy and never showed up so we just gave it to someone to scrap and that’s that.  We feel the same way about the jacuzzi in the back yard, it does run but it’s disgusting and the yard isn’t fenced in so even cleaning it and attempting to use it would be uncomfortable due to the lack of privacy anyway. So we’ll figure out how to get rid of that after we’ve picked up some scrap wood to close off that side of the deck as I don’t want to give Bella the ability to just bolt out of the backyard and wander around the neighborhood.

We’ve got about 15 trees to remove on the property, this will actually help to open things up in the yard before we get the chance to fence everything in.  We know that part of the future plan includes the addition of a pool, removing the trees will allow room for this as well.  We have to finish remodeling the kitchen, gut all carpeting from the house and replace it with hardwood floor, buy furniture for the living room (the den is fine as is), buy furniture for the master bedroom, pick up as much art as possible to cover the bare walls, also paint the walls when I can finally decide on a paint color that I actually like.  Overhead lighting was installed in my office, we still have another fan/light that needs to be installed in the guest room, we also then need to pick one up for the master bedroom.  There’s no light in the living room so that’s another project but a little more difficult as there is no attic access above the living room due to the taller ceilings. There’s a built-in unit in the den that needs to be completed as it does not connect in the middle and leaves things off balance. To the owners defense (original owner) the TV’s back in that time were still in a large box and not easily mounted onto a wall so obviously the opening was necessary. In this day-in-age it’s not, so that’ll have to be adjusted.

It’s a lot, it’s just a lot.  A lot of money, a lot of time, a lot of elbow grease and a lot of stress.  I have the kind of personality where I tend to never forgive but will make it a point to try and forget. Though, I do believe if I were to ever see the previous owners on the street I’d make it a point to run them over. Their lack of maintenance and knowledge on how to upkeep a home has turned this house into a money pit.  I know at this point in time it’s going to take about $40,000 for me to get this house not only restored to it’s ‘former glory’, but make it seem more like my home and less like their negligent mistakes.

Looking back, would I do it again? It could go either way.  Dealing with the bank was like pulling teeth, I wasn’t really thrilled about their realtor (considering she was their daughter in law, and clearly had never sold a house before considering her husband would call up screaming when she had a bad day because she clearly couldn’t handle her emotions and went crying to him = dumb bitch).  Knowing what I know now I would have probably continued to my search for a house, maybe even expanded to other areas.  It was hard for us because of what we wanted.  A basement was nice (but not required), for me the two main requirements were public water and sewer because I did not want to deal with well water in a very farm-related area and I’ll be damned if I’m going to deal with septic – I know many have in their lifetime across the globe but I’m not accustomed to that, and it just wasn’t happening.

While the neighborhood is peaceful (minus the constantly barking dogs), life in Lower Slower Delaware is not what it’s cracked up to be.  Living in a beach town means you really can’t do anything between Memorial and Labor day without anticipating going out very late in the evening.  The lower property taxes mean there aren’t the right town based jobs in place for general divisions for waste management and road upkeep.  There are lights out everywhere, the roads (in my neighborhood) are only ever swept up by the homeowners, they don’t plow after snow and while we received no where near as much snow in the past year as NY and Mass. did, attempting to walk an aging pup on two inches of ice was nothing short of frustrating.  There’s a major lack of the Italian influence I held so dear while living in NY.  Picking up a decent slice of Pizza means I’m either driving a half-hour west to a mom and pop shop that is as good as you’re going to get (which even still isn’t great) OR I’m heading back to NY and in a car for 5 hours to visit family where NY Italian food is always a perk.  When asking in local FB groups about certain ways of life that both Sean and I were spoiled by we’re met with country bumpkins having the audacity to tell us to go back where we came from because they’re biggots who just don’t like change and are very, very set in their ways.  It makes me want to drop a bomb on their house, not even gonna lie.

When things are going good though, they’re going good.   The trade off is the ability to just head down to the park and watch the ferry come in while fishing on the pier and enjoying the conversations with the locals who don’t care where you came from, just that you’re here and someone pleasant to talk to.  There’s beaches for miles and if you aren’t happy with the ones in DE you can head right down the road and wind up in Ocean City, MD for a more amp’d up feel (on season only of course… DE and MD are both pretty much dead offseason).  Minus the few rotten apples the general vibe down here was something I needed to get used to.  The people are generally nicer, the lack of sales tax means there’s more money in my pocket at the end of the day and living on a NY salary in DE is 100% possible.  The people are very lax about getting things done and this is both a good thing and a damn shame depending on the field they’re slacking in.  I don’t care if it takes a few extra minutes for someone to assist me in a store, I do care if I’m standing in the E.R. and nothing is really being treated as an emergency because that kind of adrenaline doesn’t seem to exist down here.  The lack of a sense of urgency is more than likely what ticks me off the most.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the fact that the last year has been an overwhelming learning curve, or it could just be the fact that I need to become accustomed to dealing with things at a different pace – I don’t know.  Over the course of time the things that are broken can and will be fixed.  I know I’m very happy and very in love with my fiance, I’m happy with my little office, and maybe one day I’ll be able to say I’m happy with my house. The kitchen will look how I want it to look, there will no longer be any weird pet smells after the carpets are gone, there won’t be any remnants of dated bathrooms when we’re done sprucing things up. We’ll have a nicely fenced in yard where Bella can attempt to enjoy her last years of life (if it happens within that timeframe), I’ll finally have a pool which is something that growing up in apartment was one major thing I wanted my entire life.  It’ll all happen with time.  It’s certainly not ‘drive’ that’s holding us back, it’s money and time. It’s going to take A LOT to get this house where it needs to be and all we can do for now is work as hard as we possibly can to build up the nest egg required to make this house our home.

Yes, this post went from a quick “Hrm… I wanna sit down and blog” to 3700 words.  This is what happens when I haven’t sat down and written anything since October even though there’s been a lot going on.  I want to get back into blogging more often, and I’ve said that repeatedly over the years but I just don’t know if I have that kind of drive anymore.  Sometimes I feel like just randomly blurting out what’s going on but then not actually having the ability to just sit down and write for an hour to get my thoughts out.

In any event, it’s unfortunately time for me to get back to work. There’s a kitchen full of dishes that need to go into the dishwasher (that’s slowly dying on me and also requires replacement).  Maybe I’ll be able to sit down and blog again soon, maybe I won’t.  I can set as many goals as I want in life, but work takes the priority for me and that’s just the way it is.

 

Wrapping my head around it….

Sunday, March 15th, 2015

The last year on Bella has been pretty rough.  We bought a house, so not only did she have a new floor plan (and two-level living) to get accustomed to, but she also had a new neighborhood to get used to as well.  Anytime she got into the car it was either a 10 minute ride to Sean’s mom’s house or a 4.5 hour drive up to NY to visit my family.  We’ve done everything we could to try to keep her as comfortable as possible, but lately things are taking a turn and I’m trying to keep myself together to figure out the best road possible.

For a little bit now Bella has been dealing with conjunctivitis.  I’ve been doing everything possible to keep her eye clean and remove all the gunky discharge and any crust around her eyes on a daily basis. It’s been a battle, because she’s not exactly keen on having anything near her eyes but it’s something that needs to be done and that’s that.  I’ve noticed over the last few weeks that she’s been having trouble getting around.  Going up and down stairs has been rough on her, and she’s refusing to walk at night.

To help a little bit I purchased new pet steps for the bedroom, this has helped her for the getting on the bed aspect of her night, but it doesn’t help her with getting off the bed as she just stumbles down.  I have two sets of stairs in the room, neither one is the right depth for her to manage them.  When she goes down the stairs now (for the house itself) she pulls herself to one side and kind of zig-zags down each step. So she’ll pull towards the right with her front paws and swing her legs down, then pull towards the left and repeat the process.  She isn’t able to do this with the bedroom stairs because they aren’t as wide, so the only thing I can think of is to just build a staircase in the room, but unfortunately the master is just not big enough to be able to pull that off.

Now, Sean and I have been hit with some serious deadlines over the past year so we’ve gotten ourselves on a schedule that is fairly chaotic but gives us the ability to get things done. While it’s only the two of us and there’s no distractions in the house we probably could get away with working at any time of the day but we choose to go with the overnight hours.  Why? I honestly don’t know. But I know I’m more content with finishing up for the day at 6am instead of 6pm.  It’s been like this for as long as I can remember and I think it’s based on the fact that up until a year ago we lived in homes with others so during the day it was harder to concentrate with all of the commotion. I think this trained us into thinking the overnight was better, and that’s just the way it is.

Having our schedule like this means that Bella’s had to adjust to ‘overnight’ life as well. So where most people would walk their dog at 9am, I’m walking her at 9pm.  That’s really the only major ‘adjustment’ she’s ever had to make.  She sleeps all day, and she’s done this since she was a puppy.  She eats 3 times a day, it’s not like her diet / appetite has changed in her 11 years of life. The one thing she’s been doing a lot more of lately is drinking water, but I’ve assumed that has to do with the fact that for quite some time the humidifier on our furnace was broken and EVERYONE was drinking a lot more since the air was so dry. I think I was going through about a tube of chap-stick every two weeks just to keep my lips from bleeding. So her having a little more water hasn’t phased me..

She’s a normal dog, living a normal life. Recently though, in an effort to help make her life a little easier, I’ve begun walking her while it’s still light out. I figured the darkness for a dog who can really only see shadows at this point was just cruel and maybe it being brighter out during the day would help so she could at least take a proper walk without her eyes playing a factor.  That’s not the case though…

I don’t know if there’s something outside that she just doesn’t like, or if she’s scared of something, or has less vision ability than I originally thought, but she downright refuses to walk. Daytime, nighttime, doesn’t matter.  She won’t stray far from the end of the driveway and I feel cruel dragging her up the block when she’s planted all four paws on the ground and refuses to budge.  She pulls herself back so hard that she wiggles out of her leash and then runs home as fast as she possibly can.  Today I brought her out the front door and then instead of going to the street I decided to just try and take her around the house.  There’s plenty of grass for her to relieve herself so she had ample opportunity to do whatever she needed to do.  I got her to go #1 a few times, but #2 is where she seems to draw the line.  Someone happened to close a car door while she was sniffing around so her attention went elsewhere.  By the time she realized where she was running she just went right to the front door. She wasn’t scared of the car door, she was her usual “Where’d that come from?” determined investigator. I kind of dragged her towards the other side of the house and thankfully she finally went #2, but she just was not willing to be outside at all. I could finally get her towards the back door of the house and she ran in, laid down, and hasn’t moved since.

At this point I’m pretty much at my whits end.  It’s not that I’m lacking the patience that is required when dealing with an older animal, that’s not the case at all.  I’m lacking the ability to wrap my head around what I can do for her to make her life easier.  If she was actually sick I would bring her to the vet and see what they recommend (meds  / diet wise) to give her a better quality of life.  Since the only thing physically wrong at this moment in time is the loss of eyesight and the anxiety, I’m not going to even bother wasting the money on going to the vet for them to tell me there’s nothing that can be done.

I’ve been through countless websites, I’ve put in all of her symptoms and everyone has something different.  One site says she’s a diabetic (and requires medication), another says she’s got Cushings (which requires chemo). Then they have a whole list of things for anxiety that all require some kind of medication.  I don’t like the idea of putting her on any meds, she’s gotten through life this long without them and I think that once you introduce medication her quality of life goes down (specifically if she does have Cushings and I introduce Chemotherapy).  There is no quality of life for a dog undergoing chemo, if anything it shortens her life because chemo has a way of not only removing the bad cells in the body, but taking the good ones and burning them off too.

I just don’t know what to do and I’m at a complete loss.  I know that smaller breed dogs live longer than larger breeds, and the oldest smaller breed dog I’ve been around was 17 when needing to be put down because she developed seizures later in life.  Bella’s only 11, part of me wants to believe that I can have another 6 years with her, but at this point in time, with how dramatically she’s slowed down, the lack of eyesight and the possibility of her having cancer that requires chemo, (not like the cancer she had when she was younger where the tumor was completely removed from her stomach),  the massive anxiety about ANYTHING going on, and the attachment issues of my not even being able to pee without her attached to my foot… it’s all just overwhelming.

I know that she’s not exactly having a field day either, I’m not trying to take anything away from her in that regard. The biggest difference between animals and humans is based heavily on the fact that they can’t communicate verbally when something is wrong. I know that when she pulls back she’s experiencing her bouts with anxiety, I know when she keeps bumping her head into things it’s because it’s not where it’s supposed to be and she wasn’t expecting it, this falls with her vision problems.  I’m just so frustrated with the fact that I physically can’t do anything to help her and have absolutely no control over the situation.

I’m also downright heartbroken because she’s my baby. She’s been the only constant in my life for the past 11 years.  I’ve lost so many people close to me that she was who I’d turn to for comfort and cuddles when I needed them the most.

After re-reading this post I realized it seems as though I’m considering putting her to sleep.  Please know that is the absolute farthest thing from my mind, I want to keep her for as long as she’ll allow me too.  I’ve always believed if an animal feels it’s their time to go (and there isn’t an outside factor involved) they will let you know. I know that at this point in time that’s not an option, and it’s just not the time.  I’m just stumped over what the next step is, what I need to do in order to give her a good quality of life before her time is actually up.

It’s just a tough road ahead.

Rollin’… rollin’… rollin’…

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

Quick note: I’m not a hoarder, this is what moving looks like. This is also a graphics heavy post.

In the deep recess of my mind I will always have the “I need to sit down and get this done” mentality. The reality of that, however, it just doesn’t freaking happen. I’ve deleted five posts that were sitting in drafts over the course of the past few months. I’m to a point in my life where I’m really just too bored with things to even care about them. I always find a way to side track myself just to get away from the task at hand. This is killing me on all levels because I feel like I don’t actually complete anything from start to finish in the usual time frame.

Last month Sean and I headed up to New York because he had an appointment in Manhattan, and we hadn’t been up there in well over a year so we were doing double-duty on this trip by getting my childhood bedroom packed up so we could move everything into the house. I wanted to get up there earlier, but I also wanted to get the new house settled a little bit before there would be complete and total chaos with new stuff. I’m actually happy I did it this way because the end result of unloading the truck into the living room put my OCD about keeping things clean into a tail spin.

As you can see from the photo below, the living room and dining room were covered in boxes and bags and just fabric everywhere. It took me a solid 3 days to get everything where it was supposed to go.  Literally, three days, 8-10 hour days a piece. Books were put on the shelves, furniture was moved to the rooms they actually belonged in, DVD’s and Games were put away, shelves were hung in the hall closet to accommodate the extra jackets, winter gear, and even board games (that I had no idea I had a stock-pile of) and then all of the clothes somehow wound up inside of MY closet. This is primarily because it’s a 8-foot by 8-foot room and there was enough space on the floor, and enough height with the shelves that I could actually get the boxes into the shelves.

cleanhouse

So this is ultimately how the house looked after a solid 3 days of busting my ass. And even though the mess of stuff didn’t actually wind up in the den initially, since I was on a cleaning rampage anyway – I went a head and not only rearranged the furniture in the den, but cleaned and organized it from top to bottom as well.

den

Bella now has her own little corner by the doors, I needed this to happen because I wasn’t able to close the glass doors with the way the furniture previously was formatted. So I had to move Sean to his own corner, which works out better for him because it’s right in front of the TV. Not many people believe that it’s a 70-inch television, but it is and it just looks super small up against the huge wall it’s on.

The closet was a different story.  I think since it’s in an area that doesn’t get a lot of daily foot traffic, I was able to keep it at the back of my mind… as well as at the back of the house. I had no ability to even really access the closet, because three weeks of laundry kind of piled up in front of it. Of course, after the laundry was done I still couldn’t get towards the shelves because of everything on the floor inside of the closet that needed to be sorted through and thrown away.  In the end, however, the final result makes me very happy. Note: The bathroom and closet are not green, they’re white…for some reason the tablet is randomly changing things to different colors.

closet

Another area we’re tackling is the kitchen.  I’ve been fairly unhappy with it since we moved in. The location of the island really cut down the proper use of the counter space. So, what we did was get rid of the island. Does this sound crazy? Sure, but we turned the island so that it is up against the wall instead of coming out from the wall. We then purchased two upper cabinets to hang above it, and cut the depth of the counter top so there is no longer the ability to put the barstools up against it. This isn’t something I’m worried about though, what we’re going to be doing on the other side of the kitchen is opening up the wall to have a picture window (that will allow for more light in the Living Room), we’ll be purchasing two lower cabinets to flank on either side of the bar stools that will now overlook the living room and fireplace. This area will more than likely be used for quick meals, or going through the mail, or just sitting down and having a cup of coffee.  Maybe if Sean and I ever decide that we’re ready for children this could eventually turn into a homework space. I don’t know… I just know that by opening things up into the Living Room/Dining Room it’ll just make the kitchen feel larger than it actually is.  In order to do the walls, however, I’ll have already needed to have countertops ready to go.  We’re replacing the butcher block look formica with a slate black color, I’ll need to purchase two counter tops to replace the existing ones, and then an additional one to put against the new wall. I’ll be painting all the cabinets white, putting in new flooring, and going with a grey tone on the walls.  I’ll have pictures of that in an upcoming post, this one was a little picture heavy and I’m personally not 100% happy with how the kitchen currently looks so obviously there’s nothing to show.

In any event, I actually finally sat down and got everything in my head written down. I am going to try for more posts, lord knows there’s enough going on that I want to blog about but at least for now the “I finally have 30 years of my life under ONE roof” post is finally complete.

We’re getting there…

Monday, May 12th, 2014

I’ve wanted to actually sit down and post for well over a month and a half, but the joy of homeownership when the place is constantly a wreck tends to take the priority.  So, since it’s been so long, I now don’t even know where to start.

If you follow me on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook you’d know that we did actually close on the house and get the keys, it happened on March 14th instead of March 12th but it happened. Since then it’s been a mad-dash of “Get This”, “Fix This”, “Clean This”, followed by INSERT MORE COFFEE!!  The house was so freaking disgusting after we got here on closing day. It took me over a week of shampooing carpets before I was even remotely comfortable with moving in my stuff over here. The bathrooms were scrubbed a few times with A LOT of bleach, the garage was full of crap that the previous owners should have gotten rid of and it fucking cost us money to do it, money we didn’t have because they completely fucking screwed us during this entire god damn process.  After going through this house we’ve easily determined that these people were low-life scum who had absolutely no idea what broom was, let alone any advanced cleaning accessory such as a SPONGE. The layers of slime that were scrubbed off of the showers is still mind-blowing to me… to the point that I’m now scrubbing the shower down almost every day just to make sure there’s none of their residue making an appearance – my O.C.D. in this house is possibly 10 times worse than it’s ever been before.  I swear to god if they were ever dumb enough to step foot on this property I’d probably shove a few of the shot-gun shells found in our crawl space straight up their asses.

In the past month we’ve gotten the bare essentials taken care of on the house, the rest are all happening this summer. We’ve got a huge couch and a big comfy chair (for Sean) in the Den. We recently picked up a gorgeous 6-person cherry dining table to start building up the dining room, we bought a small kitchen table the first week so we had somewhere to eat, picked up some bar stools on clearance from Lowes that were a really good find. George and Sean have been busy with some of the maintenance around the house so that we can be in a livable environment, and the only major thing left to accomplish this upcoming summer is to get the roof patched up.  If we had a little more wiggle room with the bank account this summer we’d have a company come in to take down a few of the over-grown (and dying) trees in the back yard so we can start putting in posts for a fence.  Why? Cause the neighbor behind us has the most annoying dog in the world and I’d rather it no longer have the ability to see us whenever we pass by one of our windows, and I want a damn pool so a fence must come first!

Sean’s been really happy down in his basement office, I was able to spend some time getting my office painted and setup so the only thing at this point that’s missing is a new desk but I’m making due with the folding table for now, it’s holding the iMac up pretty well, as well as the side monitor so I think I’ll be OK for a little while. Of course I’m going to need to get my Windows desktop setup at some point for cross-browser testing but I’ll continue to utilize the free services for now.  I could really care less if IE6 supports something anyway, if you’re still using IE6 then you shouldn’t have a computer to begin with.

The one big draw-back for life recently is the fact that my cell-phone is pretty much useless. I dropped it on the day of closing and the back popped off, it’s currently being held together with electrical tape and the battery only holds a charge for about 30-60 minutes. I literally have to keep it on the charger unless I’m talking on it, in which case I have to make sure there’s a charger close by.  Now, the battery was shit before I broke the back off of the phone, it’s just gotten much worse over time so I’m going to assume that replacing it should help to solve a few of my problems.  Thankfully, even though the Droid-4 was made in a way that Verizon would have to change the battery for you, I was able to break the piece off that Verizon has the tool for and I don’t need to waste money by bringing anything to them.  So, I’m gonna spend $20 on Amazon for a replacement and hopefully be good to go. I’m not due for an upgrade, but with the cost of cellphones I’d rather salvage the one I have for as long as humanly possible.  There’s no point in my spending $200 to upgrade every two years when I can just pick up a $20 battery that should hopefully give me at least 12 months without any problems.

BUT – the one thing we’re doing to help with the problem is turning our Double Play with Comcast into a Triple Play. Sean didn’t really see the point in having a house phone in the beginning, but now that he’s seeing how many problems I’m having with my phone and seeing how often I need to be ON the phone because my entire family and all of my friends live in NY he’s realizing that the house phone will be an essential part of life here for me. So tonight while we were in Staples we found an AT&T phone system for like $100 that included like 5 phones which would pretty much cover every room in the house, Sean figured it would be cheaper on Amazon so we walked away from it, but I saw saw it for like $130 on Amazon so I guess I’ll be heading back to Staples… when will men learn to listen?

In any event, I have an inbox full of crap to take care of and eyelids that are not willing to cooperate, so it’s time to increase my caffeine and while that’s working through my system it’s time to walk the dog. If it weren’t for her snoring next to me, I honestly would have completely forgotten it’s time for her to head around the block.

Surprise…. surprise…

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

We didn’t close yesterday, shocking I know. We were advised at the closing table that documentation was missing from one of the co-signers and then it turned into a mad dash to get everyone on the phone.  We had to make sure paperwork was notarized, and they wanted a copy faxed to them so we could attempt to close the same afternoon, however the faxes never went through so in the process of that not working the co-signer ran to the FedEx store to have the paperwork overnighted down.  They wanted the fax just to start the process, but they required the physical copy because of the seal.

So, co-signer paid the $30 to have it delivered before noon 3/13.  Due to the wind-storms that flew through the north east last night, the plane didn’t take off until after Midnight and was some-how re-routed from New York down to Memphis, TN.  The document (per the tracking info) was then DRIVEN to Baltimore, MD and has been sitting there ever since. We got in touch with a rep at FedEx and they noted that due to the winds it was delayed last night, and unfortunately due to the winds today it’s delayed until tomorrow.  The rep said that it would be there by Noon on 12/14, lets just hope that’s the case.

So everyone is still all over the place, thankfully the owner/realtor gave us until Monday to get this all finalized (per her addendum to the contract). They sellers already signed over what they could, at this point they’re just waiting on the check, and due to their scheduling conflicts this week they’ve also given power of attorney to the lawyer so that she can represent them for this signing when we actually can finalize everything.

Utility wise, everything is on in our names but they still hold the note on the house until the check is handed over to them. I’m hoping nothing happens at the house between now and signing, but we should be ok.  Sean and I are both at the end of our ropes, we’re sick of this entire process and just want it to end.  Hopefully we’ll have everything settled by tomorrow.  I just want the keys, I just want to get in there and clean the place up and start our lives.

It’s just way too damn frustrating to deal with anymore.

 

 

Figured it would go that way…

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

As predicted, yesterday was a crap shoot.  While the house itself was primarily empty, there were still a few bits and pieces that needed to be removed. It was fine, but they had two freaking weeks to do it – what was the hold up?  The house itself is FILTHY, I don’t know how much bleach it’s going to take me to get it clean, but I’m fairly confident that I’m going to need to waste the money on Stanley steamer, the owners didn’t even care enough to attempt to pick up the dog piss all over the carpets.  I can’t afford to have the floors redone right now so I’m gonna have to have them steam cleaned twice just to make me even remotely comfortable with walking around the house.  I’m pretty convinced I’ll be wearing sneakers 24/7 until the carpeting is replaced.  My concern initially is to just get the house scrubbed down so we can start moving our stuff in.

As for the termites? While the inspector said that there’s no evidence of ACTIVE termites, there’s no evidence that anything was treated for the one trail that was found. So what does this mean? Since they saw it they have to treat it and since that was the only freaking company we could get to come out yesterday, we’re now stuck spending $1800 to get the house treated since we had absolutely no time to shop around for a lower number that would both treat the house and satisfy the bank that everything was taken care of. I felt like we were put on the spot last minute and of course the owner of the house didn’t help because she’s a CUNT with a mouth. It came very close to her being a CUNT with no teeth in her mouth with her freaking attitude problem.  I don’t use that term very often, but there are people in this world who are deserving of the title and if you ever met her you’d agree.  She overheard the last part of a conversation about how it would take three hours to treat the house, convinced herself that it would be happening right then and there and started shooting her mouth off.  She also made it very freaking clear that if we couldn’t have the house completely treated by noon today then we’d be breaking contract and they’d put the house back on the market and we don’t get our money.

#1 – Shut the fuck up.  #2 – You’ll have the lawsuit of the century because it’s not US holding up your precious transaction to pay off the brand new car you’ve got sitting in the driveway, it’s the bank.

I’ve never, in my freaking life, wanted to beat the living shit out of a pregnant woman but if I didn’t walk away when I did, it was going to happen. I don’t give a shit that you’re hormonal, your fucking house THAT I DONT EVEN OWN YET has already cost me almost $3,000 so kiss my fucking ass.

If they decide to pull ANY shit today and something happens they’re going to court. It was not my responsibility to treat your house for termites, and it sure as shit wasn’t my responsibility to hand you a full list of everything WRONG with the house so your DICKWAD of a husband can half-ass fix it to put it back on the market.

Her bi-polar disorder clicked in at one point and after she was done fake crying on the steps she looked up at Sean and I and was like “This hasn’t been easy on you, has it?” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? YOUR FUCKED UP REDNECK FAMILY IS THE REASON THIS HAS BEEN A COMPLETE SHIT SHOW!  I’m trying my hardest to not flip my lid and keep myself calm until 4pm this afternoon, that’s when we’re closing. I’ll keep my fucking mouth shut for the hour it needs to be shut for and if ANY of these fucking people say two words to me I’ll explode. The keys will be in MY hand, they’ll have their check – either fuck off or fucking try me…. I dare you.

We’re almost there!!

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

It’s been a constant up and down, and I know I’ve bitched about it quite a bit but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  We’re closing on Wednesday 3/12 at 4pm.  I’m excited, but not to the point where I’m jumping up and down.  I’m so over this entire process that I just want my keys and the current owners to fuck off and then I can just work on making it OUR home.

We’re doing the final walk through today (3/11), it’s odd to do it the day before the closing, but we’re obligated to get another pest inspection (per banks request) and since we need to be there for that we’re just going to get that over with today.  They supposedly turned the electric back on, but we’re still not sure as to whether or not the water is on in the home. This is an area where I’m a little freaked out based on the fact that we’ve had such cold weather in a home with no heat that even with an enclosed basement there’s still the issue of having some type of a pipe blow up.  Even though I’m sure there’s some law telling us not to, if the water isn’t on in the home today I’m going to locate the main at the back of the house and turn it on.  They were morons for shutting everything down in the first place, if a pipe bursts it’s on them.

Our other focus is the attic, we know that there were a few leaks and it’s an area we need to address almost immediately, but since we had the house inspected more and more shingles have come off of the roof, leaving other areas exposed. We have every intent of redoing the roof, or just patching until we can afford the complete gut job that it really needs. I just want to make sure that more and more water hasn’t shown up to the point that there’s discoloration on the ceilings. Nipping it in the bud ASAP is our only option.

Everything else is minor cosmetic shit, and primarily stuff that would just need to be cleaned / painted. Thankfully, for the most part, the house is white so I don’t really have to worry about throwing paint on the walls right away. My focus is just getting all of the cleaning supplies together so I can get in there and do my thing. I probably won’t be thrilled about being a homeowner until everything is in and settled.  We have furniture to purchase, cleaning supplies to purchase, we’ve already got a good chunk of the kitchen necessities already purchased. I figured when I get over to the discount stores to start stocking up on cleaning supplies, I’ll pick up a few plates/cups/bowls to hold us over until I can get up to NY to pick up the rest of my belongings.  It’s just going to be a LONG drawn out process but by this time next month I’ll be able to sit down and really just take it all in.

We’ll be in the house long before then, but it’s going to be complete chaos until we can get everything put away and organized. Thankfully we’ve got so little to start with that it won’t take long to get everything to the spots it needs to go. I think the most complicated aspects of moving, for us, is based solely on electronics. Laptops, Desktops, iMacs, TV’s, Game Consoles…. which is primarily everything in Sean’s office.   I’m worried that my desk won’t survive the move, but that’s because the top isn’t really secured to the base. This could mean that moving it around would be easier since I’ll have the drawers out and the top off of it, but I hope it can be properly re-secured when we get it into the house. I don’t need the 27″ iMac falling through to the floor, that’s just too much damn money to have to shell out when it can go to more important places – like the roof.

Sean and I have done some shopping around, and have found some furniture that we’re interested in but it seems that wherever we go we wind up finding something for cheaper.  I found a couch in Furniture & More that I thought would be perfect for the Living Room, it was $499, I could get it with a queen sleeper for $699. Now, I know that seems really inexpensive for a couch but you have to remember with the huge den in the back of the house we don’t have the need for a sofa that’s going to get a lot of wear and tear. With that said, I was happy when I found a couch in Big Lots (of all places) for $360 that was both comfortable but in a color tone that I actually liked. I didn’t have to customize a damn thing and as long as I’ve got a uHaul I could just take it home.  I downright refuse to purchase any type of Sofa from a thrift shop, even though a good chunk of my furniture will be purchased from one. There are just certain things that you can wash and disinfect, and then there’s other things – like a couch – that just can’t fit into the washing machine to make it worth it for me.  BUT that’s the only thing I’m buying NEW so my being picky about it won’t ultimately kill our wallets in the end.

So yea… we’re FINALLY closing on this thing and there’s A LOT to do. I haven’t really been sleeping very well, but I think the stress is playing a part in that. I woke up around 5am, couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed until 7am and now 3 hours later I’m still going through emails and everything on my computer just to keep my brain functioning.  I’m gonna hop in the shower and head out to run some errands, we’re meeting with the pest control company around 4pm at the house so anything that I wanted to accomplish today will have to be done by 3:30. Good thing it’s not very much… I still wish I’d had enough drive to leave the house before 10am though.. I was oddly enough in the mood for breakfast from McDonalds today. Nutri-Grain just didn’t fill that void, but at least there’s something in my stomach to get me moving.

What do you want now… my first born?

Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Sean and I have decided that once everything is finalized with this sale, we’ll never be purchasing another home. The process for buying a home is the most time consuming, stress inducing, bull shit situation I’ve ever been in. So many people, for the longest time, were just handed mortgages and then boom – economy crashed and there’s foreclosures everywhere. Now? The process is pretty much to the point where on top of the last 5 years of your financing, they’ll take your first born to seal the deal.

Originally we were going to close on Feb 28th, we were set to close on this date but then some random tax stuff came up for our co-signer, and it was then going to be delayed for another week. We were super happy to find out that we’d be closing on March 7th, then we come to find out that this random tax stuff would require information from the IRS that we’re having A LOT of trouble getting our hands on.  So, we went ahead and submitted an addendum to the sale contract and we’re basically sitting tight until the bank and the IRS can get everything worked out.

The issue? The owners are freaking morons. Their realtor was never given the green light that we’d be 100% closing on the 28th, so they decided that they would be smart to just up and move out the day before the original scheduled closing. For people who couldn’t afford to fix ANYTHING in the house, it surprised me that they actually had the money for a down payment on a new house. So while the house is actually in their sons name, they decided to just walk away. Now their realtor (their daughter-in-law) has gone as far as requesting that we move into the house before everything is finalized with the bank and pay them $1700 a month in rent plus utilities. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Why the hell would we do something so stupid? Based on the issues we’re dealing with theirs no guarantee that we’ll EVER close on this house – so why would I tap into my down payment just to make sure that they can cover their own mortgage because her in-laws are dicks? Their financial problems are not my problems, or my fault.

For the past two months we’ve completely been at the mercy of the bank, who’s asked us to provide things to them that I feel are more of an invasion of privacy than something that’s pertains to the loan. Every deposit to the bank accounts, they want to know why it was made and a copy of the checks. They demanded all of the pages of the statements so they can see how our money is spent, and I’m sorry but the fact that I don’t feel like cooking on some nights shouldn’t be their business – how dare you question how often I purchase a pizza. They originally requested deposits, withdrawals aren’t their fucking business.

I’ve had to write a letter to the bank to inform them that Sean has access to his own bank account because it’s a joint account. I’ve had to write letters advising why W2’s are different than Taxes filed when they’re incapable of reading the “Other Assets” section of the tax returns (What the fuck is the point of even providing you WITH the tax returns if I’m just going to have to tell you to READ them!?) We’ve given them year to date income for the past two years, they’re demanding that we file our 2013 (even though by LAW I don’t have to do that until April and I haven’t received all of my 1099’s anyway so I’m going to wind up filing an extension).

We’ve had to dig out the paperwork for the lease for Sean’s mothers house, they’re also requesting he be removed from the lease prior to the sale, which is something that’s not gonna happen based on the fact that he’s her sole beneficiary and needs to be on the lease in order to take over the house in the future… so they can go screw off on that one. They also mentioned that divorce paperwork (for a divorce finalized in 1999) may be pertinent to the loan as well.  The level of prying is fucking absurd, I feel more violated by the bank than I ever could by a visit to a gynecologist.

So yea, this is a process I don’t ever want to go through again. It’s a constant up and down, and emotions are running hot because we’re past being anxious and are now downright impatient to just get this over with. When we were originally provided with our new closing date Sean and I went out and I stocked up on everything I could possibly need for my new kitchen. Pots & Pans, Cooking Utensils, Mixing Bows, Bakeware, Cutting Boards, Knives… everything you could need for a kitchen. The only thing we didn’t pick up were plates but that’s because the ‘patterns’ at Walmart are ugly as sin, and set that has service for 4 for $30 seemed extreme to me. I can easily pick up service for 8 from Dollar Tree, and that’s exactly what I’m going to end up doing.

The only upside is the fact that we’ve got a pretty massive storm coming through here over the next few days and since we weren’t moving in this weekend we weren’t going to have to deal with the snow to slow us down. I’m also kind of hoping that something happens at the house that forces them to actually fix it up. Since the contracts aren’t finalized, they’re still the owners so they’re responsible for anything that happens to it until we’ve been handed the keys. Is it wrong of me to kind of hope something happens? Of course. BUT that doesn’t mean Mother Nature feels the same way and when you factor sleet, heavy rain, and then about a foot of snow sitting on top of a roof that’s in need of repair… it may wind up saving me the $10,000+ that is required to replace the roof. If they aren’t willing to fix it to finalize the sale of the house… they’re stuck with a $1700 a month mortgage on a house that no one lives in.  Oh freaking well.

Move quicker damn it!

Tuesday, February 25th, 2014

We’re still at the mercy of the bank.  We’ve had to add a second co-signer to the loan because the first one (while well qualified) pays rent so they then needed to re-crunch the numbers.  The issue now is the fact that they sent all of this to us on Monday 24th, which is the day when we’re supposed to be letting the current home owners know we’re “good to go” and they can work on getting their stuff out of the house so we can close on Friday. We, unfortunately, have not gotten the green light – all we got was an extra 60 pages of a contract that needed to be filled out and sent back ASAP – now we’re not going to know a damn thing until tomorrow afternoon.

It’s a 50/50 chance that we’ll be closing on Friday, but at this point I’m leaning more towards next week based on how royally we’ve been screwed this entire time. I, personally, could care less about how this is effecting the current home owners because they lied way too much for me TO CARE.  I got this sob story about how they’re going into assisted living, can’t afford their bills, yada yada. Meanwhile, they were just downsizing and moving to a different community.  Why lie? Why even concoct a story? You didn’t need to say a damn thing to us, you could have been honest and said that the house was just too big for you to handle. Why even come up with some bull shit to try to tug the heart strings? You’re not dealing with a native Delawarian.. you’re dealing with a New Yorker who couldn’t give two shits about you at the end of the day anyway!

So by tomorrow afternoon (fingers crossed) we’ll know our closing date. I’m still hoping it’s Friday just because I’m itching to get the hell in there and scrub the crap out of the place but who knows. Either way I have a stock of cleaning supplies already written down that I need to buy and bring over there. I just want start the cleaning process, have Comcast come in to wire the place and the rest is cake.

I haven’t even started packing, it’s not because I’ve been too lazy to get started it’s because the “Waiting Game” aspect of things has lead me to believe that this wasn’t actually going to happen for us. Is there a lot to pack? Sure. Is it something I could knock out in a few days? Yes. That’s the beauty part. When you own the home and you’re not leaving a “Rental” property – you’ve got a little time to get yourself in and settled. So by default the first task is to get the place cleaned up, while cleaning have anything installed by an outside company that needs to be installed (In our case it’s just Comcast).  Then we’ll be heading over to a few furniture places because the only pieces of furniture we currently own are a bed and two desks. Clearly in a 2900 sqft home we’re going to need a lot more.  So, first purchase will be a couch, and then I’m hitting up every Thrift Store I can find to get the rest of the house furnished. I will NEVER buy a ‘used’ sofa from anyone. You never know where the sofa really came from, and I don’t want the headache of scrubbing things down to the point I’m stripping the color off the fabric because it’s just not clean enough for me to have any piece of mind.  So the sofa will be brand new, where as anything wood based (dining room table/chairs, end tables, coffee table, dresser, nightstands, etc) will come from thrift shops and flea markets. Why? Cause I know I can easily scrub them down and I’ll probably wind up stripping the paint off and staining them anyway.

Do I have it all figured out? of course. Will things go any faster because I have them figured out? Of course not! Sean’s a complete impatient mess right now, but I know he just wants to get this whole process over and done with so we can focus on more important things. I typically will keep the frustration levels to myself, but that’s because I know when it comes to certain things I can handle stress better. I also know I can handle paperwork better, but when you’re exposed to that stuff it’s just something you get used to.

The only thing that I’m increasingly growing impatient about is the fact that Bella’s hair is way too long and she’s been panting like all holy hell because it’s always so damn warm in this house. I spend a lot of time in the bedroom with the window open and the overhead fan on but that doesn’t help her comfort levels. I want to know the exact monetary numbers we’re dealing with for the closing on this house so that I know if there’s an extra $100 in the budget for me to get her groomed just so that’s one less thing to stress about.

A big stress factor right now is work has really, really slowed down to the point that it’s scaring me. I’ve always got little things to do but there’s nothing to really solidly keep myself as busy as I’d prefer. The only benefit to this is it’s given me time to get a new template together for AGn Designs, to replace the “Temporary Site” that’s been sitting there for two years that I freaking hate. I still have like five or six pages to format though, so lord only knows when that will be completed.

Either way, my inbox is showing me that I have a few things to accomplish today so hopefully I’ll be able to get them knocked out and keep my mind off everything with the house.

Happy New Year!!

Thursday, January 2nd, 2014

It’s that time again… Everyone has gone out of their way to make resolutions for themselves, and those with actual will-power may make it past day #2. I made it a point to not even kid myself and have no resolutions this upcoming year.  Why? It’s simple.  If you truly wanted to make a change in your life you would have done it already, holding off until the first of the year seems more like a cop-out than anything.  For the past 11 months you’ve wanted to either quit smoking, lose weight, learn a new language, pick up painting, whatever the case may be.  If you haven’t done it in the last year, there’s nothing driving you to get it done this year.

So for me, I told myself my resolution is to completely write-off having a resolution. Not sure if that’s a double negative, but either way the only changes I’m making this year is to hopefully be moved into a new home within the next 90 days. Do I consider it a resolution? No… we’ve been trying to buy a house since October but nothings worked out.

We’ve been under contract on three houses. The first house? The financing fell through so we needed to be released from the contract.  The community that we were looking to move to was black-listed by the lender and there was really nothing more that we could do.  The second? After inspection we found out that the Well was contaminated with Lead and Nitrates, because of this the grounds were more than likely contaminated as well. There were also structural issues, half of the house didn’t work, and the water heater was so rusted by the lead in the water that it was about to rot through the floor.

Now? We’re under contract on a house that we both agree is absolutely perfect and with a few modifications over time it holds the “Dream Home” status.  The bedrooms upstairs are all a decent size, the basement is already finished giving us two guest rooms and a man-cave for Sean’s liking. There’s a good sized kitchen, two car garage, gorgeous floor to ceiling brick work on the fire place, massive family room towards the back end of the house and a nice sized yard that will accommodate a pool and plenty of room for the dog to run around.  The problem? The inspection was scary. While structurally it’s sound, there are numerous plumbing issues from the do-it-yourself finished basement that were listed as “Major Defects”. Now, I’m all for the do-it-yourself type of thing but if you’re selling a house, make sure it’s at least up to code. The random little things that they missed were so stupid it’s mind blowing. For me? It’s one weekend fixing random things for maybe $1200 worth of materials. The fact that I now need to figure out how to get a licensed contractor into a house that I don’t own so this stuff CAN be fixed is where things start to get annoying.

We knew going into this house that a roof was going to be needed, house was built in the late 70’s to early 80’s. More than likely it was never replaced, and it now requires four patches for a recent leak. In theory it would be better to just redo the entire roof so it doesn’t need to be worried about for 10 years, but that’s wishful thinking.  The owners have absolutely no money and are in the process of selling just about everything they own so they can afford to move into assisted living. I feel terrible because they’re such nice people (we got to chat with them during the inspection), but we’re going to have to renegotiate the cost of the house because I know that at least $10,000 worth of work needs to go into it before it’s up to code… knowing that they don’t have that money means that they need to at least come down in price so we can work things out with the bank.

Our broker has already told us that the house doesn’t fit the profile of a FHA mortgage, but we could possibly do a 203k loan (which supposedly is a variation of FHA). With this, we can borrow the estimated amount of money at the same time of the mortgage. So if they come down the $10k, then we can borrow the extra $10k (putting us at our already agreed price on the house) and then fix everything that needs to be fixed. All of which needs to be done by a licensed/certified contractor. So that’s where things get tricky, it also extends our closing date. As of right now we’re supposed to close on Jan 25th 2013. This change would then send us into March. Which, I guess is OK because it starts to get warmer so working on the roof wouldn’t be that big of a deal but it’s still one of those “Will it ever end?” type of situations.

It’s upsetting, it’s frustrating, it’s completely bugging me but life still needs to go on so I need to draw my attention elsewhere.  Thankfully I’ve got quite a of work to do, I stopped for a little while because my show is starting in a few minutes. I don’t sit down for much of anything, not a big TV fan but hopelessly addicted to “Mob Wives” on VH1. Not overly thrilled about this season because the original cast members are my favorite.. BUT the changes they made with this season, seems that there’s going to be more knock-down-drag-out type of fights and that makes me happy. Real or fake, I don’t care. It’s just nice to listen to a NY accent when you’re living in a very… rural… area LOL.

As far as life-changing events are concerned. Sean and I are officially engaged!! 🙂 It’s been 7 years of bouncing between two states and numerous ups and downs but he proposed on Christmas Eve at the tree in town. He was super excited to get me out of the house that night, I had a feeling but it wasn’t confirmed until he dropped down when we got towards the tree. He was super cute about it, of course I said yes. He lit up when I did, and it was very sweet. I can’t wait to start the next chapter, and really hope that everything can work out with the house so that we can get through all of the muck and start planning for a wedding and children. I don’t see myself having a huge wedding, not really the “Look at me!” kind of person, I’m perfectly content with a justice of the peace… but when you’ve got a huge traditional Italian family… things just get complicated heh.

So who knows what this year is going to bring… but I’m not setting any resolutions. I’ll just live one day at a time and take it from there.

Keepin’ it movin…

Thursday, October 10th, 2013

Even though I have these overwhelming moments of “I haven’t gotten a damn thing done…” I’m still movin, movin, movin. I’m cranking things out as fast as I can, and bouncing from site to site and email to email on a regular basis. I still don’t feel like I’ve actually fulfilled anything I set out to do though. Clearly I’m accomplishing something being as all of the bills are paid and there’s still money left to do what I please… it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough anymore.

I’ve been exhausted lately, it doesn’t matter how much I actually sleep – I just never feel like it was a restful one. I don’t know if it’s the change in weather (constant Hot to Cold extremes) or the fact that the sun hasn’t come out in a few days but my eyelids are insistent on just closing completely and forgetting about the tasks at hand right now.

I’m completely 100% overbooked, the workload has got me shaking in my fuzzy slippers and there’s all kinds of pressure from every direction to just get it done where quality and speed are heavily utilized.  For just one client there’s 4 major sites to work on, each bigger than the last and of course there’s tight deadlines on every single one of them.  With another client, she was MIA for the past year and a half and all of a sudden I’m now supposed to RUSH to cater to her because she’s finally on the ball.  She still owes me like $2,500 from the last chunk of work done for her, but swears she’ll have everything paid in full upon completion. I just wish that “End” was closer.  I did just finish up on Adam’s halloween site – Oct31st.org.  I wish it could have been completed sooner, but with everything going on and the fact that I’m over-scheduled, it really took my time away from it. I feel bad for the delays, but there’s nothing I could have done about it.

Right now I’m looking down at my Thunderbird icon on the dock and it’s showing over 135 emails. Knowing that I already did the usual daily spam clean-out, I’m scared to see the requests I have waiting for me.  I need to put in about 8 hours to complete one site today, and then there’s another site that should take me about 15-20 hours that needs be done by Saturday – I just hope I have the strength to get it all done.  In theory it’s just 3 8-hour days and everything is fine, but when you’ve got other things to take care of as well, those 8 hours turn into 16 and then your brain fries and it’s time to crash.  There isn’t enough coffee to keep my eyelids open anymore.

Excitement Note:  We’re looking to buy a house!
Tomorrow (Friday 11th) is going to be beyond hectic, I’ll be on the phone all morning to get appointments setup, and get some banking needs taken care of and then at 2pm I have an appointment with a realtor to do a walk-thru on a house that I’ve been eyeing for a little while that only recently (like three days ago – recently) went back on the market.  Sean and I went to TD Bank to try to get a mortgage on our own, but since it’s a manufactured home and not on it’s own land TD didn’t approve us for the mortgage. The lady was very surprised that the pre-approval didn’t come right up considering she saw our proof of income and said “If someone who’s making $30,000 every 5 months can’t get a mortgage – something’s seriously wrong with our systems!”  So we’ll get that “This is why you weren’t approved” letter in the mail in a few weeks, in the meantime I called around to numerous banks in the area to find out who actually would provide the funding on a pre-fab home, and I found ONE bank, out of fucking 12!!  Since I just took an 11 point hit on my credit for even applying for a loan (which is something TD should figure out how to reinstate since they should properly train their employees prior to them completing an entire application knowing that this house isn’t on its own land), I now am well into the “Poor” rating for credit scores.  Sean took the same 11 point hit on his credit, but his was in the higher 690’s, so he still falls under the “You’re OK” mark.  His father, very graciously, has offered to co-sign for Sean, and since his score is in the high 800’s, there should be absolutely no doubt that the loan will be approved.  He recently sold a house, and when they ask about ‘savings accounts’ he can say that he’s got a few hundred grand in his, and even though Sean doesn’t have anything in his – I’m sure the numbers will balance out.

Now the rush is that we’re trying to bring as much money together as we possibly can.  Between closing costs, downpayment, and the initial “Get it all hooked up and turned on so we can LIVE in the house” aspect of things – we’re gonna need about 15 grand.  We’ve only got 3700 right now, so needless to say the next two months are going to be a hectic dance of “Work, Deal with Broker, Work more… keep working, working, working, working and working!”.

I’m just crossing my fingers that we can actually accomplish it.  We’ve spent so long living under someone else’s roof during the entire length of our relationship (to date) that it’s time to just start the next chapter. It’s a jump that we absolutely need to take, we’re both scared about it (obviously) but we’re going to do it together and no matter what happens we’ll always have each other to lean on.

In any event… time to get back to work. :: head desk ::

Took ya long enough!

Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve finally got a new theme up on k.nu. The previous one was nice and all but I needed a change. I was waiting on inspiration, and oddly enough I got it from a damn game on my Tablet.  There’s a game called “Fashion Story” that I’m absolutely sick of playing but the color scheme for the game itself inspired me. When I showed it to Adam he said “OOH SUPER CUTE” and I told him to build something for me. He sent me a PSD with a base template, I added to it and went crazy with little tweaks and mods here and there and BOOM = New Template!

I mirrors templates that I’d done in the past. Everyone now, sticking with HTML5/CSS is going for the centered layouts with muted, but bold, colors. I wanted something completely different. There was a theme I created when I was on dork.com (over 10 years ago) that really reminded me of the theme that Adam started for me. Back then my coding skills were no where near what they are now, I think I tried to figure out what DIV tags were for that template because I’d previously used Tables and multiple frames to get everything to load. God, do you remember coding with FRAMES, that had to be the absolute WORST way to build a damn website – but no one knew any better, they just wanted to get as much information as possible onto a single page and that was the only way to do it.

I’m actually very happy that I was able to get this up and running. I know it’s not an extravagant WOW type of template, but I’m happy with it and that’s what matters.  I’ve been so busy working on numerous other things that having the downtime to get it done is really what mattered to me.  I started putzing around with it about a month ago, and was able to put the final touches on it for the last few days. I’d finished up a site that I was working on with Adam (for Kimberly J. Brown – remember her from Halloweentown?).  The site itself is ready to go in a Development folder we’re just waiting on the GreenLight to go live with it. It’s a fantastic change from the design she was previously using. It’s more hip, modern, and not located on blogger. This chick has been fully upgraded to WordPress and I’m hoping she’s super happy with the site.

My issue now is I’m at a ‘low point’ with work. So this means I’ll be working on random odd-and-end jobs to help Sean out, but I don’t have anything to personally handle on my own.  I know I’m helping him out with a site tomorrow, but then I’m jumping onto the total revamp of AGn Designs, it’s in desperate need of a facelift and I have quite a few sites to add to the portfolio.  It really sucks that I have so many NDA’s with clients, there were numerous sites that I’ve worked on that I’ve been so proud of but don’t have the ability to list them in my portfolio. One day I’ll get those kinds of sites for my own doing so I can joyfully display them, but for now I’ll just keep chugging away.

I do know that my usual boss has about 6 sites to send to me, but he’s been so damn busy with everything going on that they’re delayed at the moment.  I just hope that all of the sites he claims are coming to me aren’t going to show up mid-month in August. Our friend Colin is coming down to visit for 5 days and I really don’t want to be working the whole time he’s here. It wouldn’t be fair to him, and I already have a lot of stuff planned for us. Working would completely cut into that.

The upside to today, other than completing this, is I was able to get outside for a little while and do some much needed lawn maintenance. It’s been so long since I weed-wacked that I couldn’t even see where the bushes began and the grass ended. The grass grew straight up and over all of the trim/separators we have outside. I wacked that down straight to the dirt so I know I’ll have a few more weeks before I need to get out there again. Grass grows so damn quickly this time of year, I hate it. I wish I had a gravel yard … less maintenance.

The second upside – I found a site that makes all kinds of custom stuff for your business. It’s not vista-print – I effin’ hate them. It’s a newer site called BuildASign.com. I ordered a custom license plate, because Delaware is one of those states where you only need to have one plate on the car, so I’m utilizing the real estate that my car actually has (meaning lack of outside decoration) and I got myself a plate with AGn Designs logo printed on it. I did have to partially cancel my order with them because I chose the wrong size window decals – they were way too small for the amount of information that I actually put onto it. That was completely my fault, I know I was paying attention when I was setting everything up but I honestly didn’t even think about it being too small until my Mom had mentioned “Really, 3×5?”.  So now I’m working on getting everything larger so it’s easier to read.  The license plate should be here by the 15th. Hopefully today I’ll be ordering the larger sized decals and have them around the 15th/16th as well.

Anyone interested in a free AGn Designs window decal? I can offer free advertising to anyone interested in pasting it onto their car to aid me in a little free advertising as well.  Shoot me an email through the Contact page if you’re interested.

In any event, it’s knocking on 6am and I have an inbox to clear out so I can get some shut-eye.

I really should be working…

Monday, March 11th, 2013

I’m not really sure why, but I’m having a lot of trouble concentrating today.  I’ve actually been having trouble concentrating for almost a week now. The last thing I want to do is open up Photoshop and actually get some work done.  I think it’s based on the fact that I’m just stuck in a rut that I can’t seem to wiggle my way out of.  I always want to find something completely different and unimportant.  All of the laundry is done, the kitchens clean, I’ve cooked dinner every night and even did some shopping with Karen this past weekend. As far as actually sitting down in Adobe and physically getting some work done – my brain just can’t seem to grasp it.

Even now I’m holding off on things and I have like six sites to work on and haven’t started a single one.  All I can do is think about how I need to put tonights dinner away and get myself set to watch the Monday night shows on CBS. Since those are on in 8 minutes I have the feeling they’re going to take the priority yet again.  I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me, but I can tell you that it’s completely unlike me and really not going to work in my favor.  There are numerous bills to pay, emails to answer and sites to start and my brain is just all “Nope, bedtime right?”.  Coffee doesn’t even work anymore and I’m up to over a pot a day just to hold me over and it’s still not working.

To top off everything else, I’m still looking to build a new template for here because this one is officially driving me crazy. I’m tempted to just change it over to a basic default one just so I can get by. I also know that won’t work for long because I can’t stand anything ‘Default’ that comes with a script, no matter how much customization is available its still not enough to keep me happy. I wind up spending more time on changing the temporary template than I do designing a new one.

I’m sure I’ll figure something out at some point, for now I’m going to sidetrack myself with TV until I can finally hunker down and get something done.

Screw TV…

Tuesday, November 6th, 2012

I’m so sick and tired of all of the damn Political commercials that I’m making it a point to have absolutely nothing to do with the idiot box next to me until Wednesday. Everyone is pushing to get their last cry out for todays elections and I’m done with it. I think, no matter which way you go, America is pretty much fucked anyway.

So I’m sitting here with headphones on and pretty much saying “Fuck it” while throwing myself into some pending projects. I’d prefer to be sleeping, but that never happens when I want it to anyway, so why would it change now?

I bought a bed this past weekend. Random right? I know! I literally went into Sleepy’s with the intent of just looking around because my back has been completely screwed up since we’ve moved back down to Delaware and the biggest reason behind it rests heavily on the bed that was gifted to Karen.  It was a used full-sized bed that was pretty much shot.  We tried to modify it by adding a good quality 4″ thick foam piece on it. It isn’t a low quality foam topper that you’d get from Walmart, she’s had this foam for god knows how long and it’s held up pretty damn well for at least 10 years.  It had minor use as an extra cushy dog bed on the floor.  But it was basically just folded in half for the density. It’s a full-sized topper and did pretty well on the bed for Sean and I but there was really no way it was going to work as a long-term solution considering it offers more support as a mattress on the floor than it does as a topper on a crappy mattress anyway.

So, Karen and I ventured out on Saturday to do some minor shopping and see what Sleepy’s had to offer. I found a bed on their website the night before and wanted to see if I could find something similar in the store considering it was an online-only deal and there was no way I was buying a bed online without laying in it first.  So we walked in, met the salesman and he pointed us in the direction of the bed that was close to the one I’d found the night before.  After two seconds of laying down I knew it was going to be “The Bed”.  I ventured around the store a bit, don’t get me wrong, but I kept coming back to this one.  It’s a Simmons Beautyrest, typically around $3500 for a Queen size.  So, I showed him the paper I printed out that morning of the one found online, which was close in price / make / model but it was on sale for about $1050, taking about 60% off the cost.  He was able to price match everything to the point that I went for the King size instead of the Queen.  (Go big or Go Home – right?).

The bed as a King was $3800 for the mattress/boxspring, he price matched down to $1450.  That’s like what, 60-70 percent off?  We added about $50 for the mattress protector that the manufacturer requires in order for the bed to be replaced (if needed). I always thought that was a Sleepy’s thing, but it’s the Manufacturers call – they just have to throw it down your throat.

The issue I have with the protector is it’s basically mandatory  BUT – if there’s a single stain on the bed, even if it doesn’t bother you, it voids the warranty   Now, even if there’s a 5-inch deep hole in the bed because the springs are fucked up – if that stain is there and you didn’t get the mattress protector – you can consider yourself shit out of luck.  How fucked up is that shit, seriously? Because it’s 100% possible to not get a 5-inch deep hole in the bed as long as that covers on – give me a break.

Anyway – by the time everything was said and done and this guy made his fifty phone calls to see if any of this was even possible – he factored in that I already had a credit card through Sleepy’s that had a full $1500 limit on it, he was able to price-down just about every aspect of my purchase.  For a whopping total of $1499.98 (two cents to spare), I got a King Sized Mattress/Box plus a free bedframe, and free NEXT DAY delivery.  I woke up at 10am on Sunday and they were knocking on the door at 10:30 to deliver the bed.  Everything happened so fast I couldn’t help but be completely overjoyed to the point that I laid down after putting the sheets on and passed the fuck out LOL.

Now, nine times out of ten they’ll give you a free bedframe for spending over $1200 anyway. BUT – he tweaked the system a bit and got me the most expensive one that has it’s own 20 year warranty. It’s some fancy frame that usually costs like $300, I got it free. Doesn’t even look like a normal one but just based on its appearance you can tell its a hell of a lot more sturdy and I’m actually comfortable with the fact that Bella occasionally likes to be sleeping under the bed, I don’t think this thing COULD actually break.

So yea, with two cents to spare Sean and I have been completely upgraded and let me tell ya – minus the fact that my back is completely fucked – this bed is comfortable as shit.  I took the “Sleepys Comfort Zone” challenge and fell inbetween the Comfort Level 3 and 4 ranges.  This means that while I prefer a medium firmness, I also like luxury plush tops. So this bed (the Avondale model) is a slightly firm (good support) mattress with a two inch thick pillow top to keep everything nice and cozy. So softness AND support? My back should be feelin pretty good in the next few days.

My issue, cause we all know Sciatica is a bitch, is the fact that there’s ANOTHER pressure change in the atmosphere so I feel just about everything.  My back started acting up just before Hurricane Sandy started destroying the east coast, but now there’s the potential for another noreaster to take out the eastern seaboard again and I’ve noticed that as the “Holy Crap – Gonna do this shit again” day approaches, my back just keeps getting worse and worse.  To make matters worse, it’s not even really going to affect Delaware other than just some rain (as experienced with Sandy), it’s going to hit NY and NJ dead on, and there are still hundreds of thousands of people without power.

Mother nature sure is on the fucking rag this Fall. I swear to God.

 

Absolutely No Inspiration!

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

I wish I knew what was wrong with me, I have no inspiration to do ANYTHING.  I’ve got sites coming at me from all angles but can’t mentally envision how anything is going to look when its completed.  When 80% of your pending work is from-scratch Framework – it really sucks.

I figured that it had a lot to do with the fact that I haven’t really gone down to the beach.  For some reason, sitting in the sand and staring at the ocean gives me more inspiration than Adobe can handle. I was hoping that today would help because Karen’s been itching to get out of the house so we headed down to Rehoboth Ave for a little while.  We browsed through a few different little stores and made our way to the boardwalk. Sat for a little while cause she was a little windy (rightly so considering she’s only got one lung and is still healing from surgery).  We ventured down the sand dunes to the water line and saw a huge family of Dolphins jumping in and out of the water. Of course by the time I got my camera to focus on them they were back under water. I did manage to get a fin, I loaded it to my Instagram account.  I wish I could have gotten a nice shot of them jumping but they’re in and out of the water so quick, the shutter speed on my cellphone just wasn’t going to pick it up.  Either way, I at least got to witness it for myself. It may not seem like some major event to most, but for someone who’s life-long dream has been to PET a dolphin, let alone SEE a dolphin – it certainly made my day.

Even with that experience, and the jolt of energy I still have absolutely no inspiration for ANYTHING.  I know I have at least 7 sites to build/rebuild and trying to get to the “Alright, lets go” mindset is proving to be more difficult than anticipated.  I’m not sure if I’m just exhausted and can’t focus or if there’s some mental shit going on behind it.  All I know is even with extra cups of coffee today, all I wanna do is curl back into bed and fall asleep.  I’m, for some unknown reason, not getting any type of a good nights sleep and wish I could figure out why.

I caught a glimpse of Dr. Oz today, they were talking about sleeping patterns and tips/techniques you can use to help you achieve a proper nights sleep.  The problem is there’s absolutely no way for that to happen in this house.  They tell you that you’re supposed to go through 4-5 rem sleep cycles per night. I thought the list was pretty interesting.

  • No alcohol/caffeine up three hours before bedtime.
  • Keep notepad near bed to jot down the ‘daily worries’, creating a problems/solutions list so you can clear your head to help you fall asleep.
  • No Lights.  Try to keep the room as dark as possible for no visual distraction.
  • No TV. The flickering lights, and sound omitted (even when on mute) can interrupt your sleep cycle.  If you like to have the TV on while falling asleep its recommended to have the “Sleep Timer” set so it shuts off soon after you fall asleep.
  • Limit pets to their own beds (if possible). The constant up and down or general movement of a dog (large or small) is enough to keep someone from properly falling into a deep sleep.  (Lord knows Bella is constantly on and off the bed all night long).
  • Silence is Golden – The quieter the room, the better the rest. Turn off cellphone, no laptops or books and figure out a way to keep your spouse/significant other as quiet as possible. (Unless Sean and I switch our office setups – this will NEVER happen).

 

It seems like a mighty long list of overall-changes, but with a few minor changes to my own life I actually see it as being 100% possible. (As strange as that sounds). Sean and I have been talking lately and figured that since I have so much trouble falling asleep while he sits there typing away – it would be easier if we changed rooms so that he could be in the spare room and I can be in complete and total silence when I need to get some rest. At the same time, I’m realizing that I did have a much better ‘rest’ when I actually kept a journal. Not a blog, a real handwritten journal because it worked to my advantage to get all of my woes out before I went to bed. Of course I’d figure out some kind of a way to make up a digital one, for ease of use and the ability to get all of my thoughts out without my hand cramping up. I found that the more I type, the less I’m able to physically write something legible. I left my Netbook up in NY, I figured after seeing Dr. Oz today that it was a mistake on my part because it would be the perfect companion to my non-existent bedside table.

The biggest thing for both Sean and I that would help EVERYTHING would be to finally upgrade our current bed to a larger one. I’ve found a few down here that are pretty comfy, and not that expensive. I’m trying to figure out if (space wise) it would be possible to get out of our Full Size and upgrade to a Queen Size. I know that we’d be really limited on space if we decided to go all the way up to a King, and while I would absolutely adore that kind of roomy sleep, I highly doubt it would happen without removing furniture from the room all together. Obviously it means that the dog would have less of a chance of sleeping on top of one of us if she’s got her own designated area, so that solves the “No Pets” rule.

Either way we’ll have to make some kind of change, but I’m sure it’ll be possible.

Funny how I have inspiration to redecorate but absolutely none to work on the sites pending on my to-do list LOL.