There are clich?ɬ© statements like “When we kissed…I saw fireworks” or “My knees went weak”, but how many people can truly say they’ve felt this first hand? For the past few weeks I’ve had an ‘inside-clue’ in regards to how the universe works. There are always going to be two very important people in your life; your soul mate, and the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with. In some cases you may find these two entities in one person. The rest of the time…you’ll have these two people. You may not realize it now, but if you sit back and look around – you may pick up on it.

There will always be that one person who you can have every feeling in the book for but know that it’s never going to work between you two on a relationship level. This person is your ‘soul mate’. This person will be there for you when you’re at your worst…and your best. They will make you feel as though you’re the most important person in the room and they’ll never let you down. If they ever do…they’ll make it up to you faster than you knew what hit you.

But say your soul mate meets his or her final step in life and passes away. Sure, you may have friends who care about you but you’ll never have that same connection ever again. You’ll spend months, years, and even decades comparing every person you meet to this soul mate. This soul mate is the person you felt was the true meaning of ‘perfection’ minus the relationship aspect. Even in death, this person will still be there for you. You will see them in your dreams, they will give you signs as to when they were around…a gust of wind, a shooting star, a butterfly, a cat, whatever you two had in common in life, he/she will make it known in death that your connection is still there. It’s almost guaranteed that when you die, this person will be waiting for you to help you get through that stage of ‘life’ until you can plant your feet.

Say that during your grieving for losing this soul mate, another person steps in. The person who from the get go you feel that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. It goes to another clich?ɬ© statement of “trust your gut”. If, from the get-go, looking into this persons eyes makes you weak, kissing them you see fireworks, and you get along on levels you never dreamed of, then in some way shape or form…you’re meant to be with this person for the rest of your life.

This is the person who will fulfill all of your dreams, and visa versa. This is the person you will make a home with. This is the person you will depend on for support in the most difficult, or most ridiculous, of situations. They will always make you feel like the most important person in the room, they will go out of their way to make sure you’re taken care of, no matter what the cost. If you’re sick, they’ll be at your bed-side with soup and a magazine. If you’ve had a bad day and just want to sleep, they’ll lay down with you and rub your back until you’re comfortable enough to drift off and forget the world. This person will also be there when you wake up to make sure that the first thing you see is someone who loves you and will make all of your pain go away.

I’ve been through, and am still going through my grieving period. I have found the person I will be spending the rest of my life with. I consider myself blessed, as well as honored, to have these two people in my life, and in my after-life. I honestly don’t think I’d trade this for anything in the world.

I fall in love a little bit more every day. I see dreams being fulfilled before anything is physically set forth for these dreams to come true. I see the fireworks when we kiss and my knees are so weak that I’m surprised I can even walk. It’s unfortunate that I had to lose a soul mate in order to find a ‘true love’, because I do truly miss my soul mate more now than I ever have in the past, but I know he’s around; I see the shooting stars, I see the butterflies, I feel the breeze. The thing is, as much as I miss him – I know how much pain he was in when he was alive, and now he’s finally at peace; I would never take that away from him.

For once in my life, I’m with a good man. Not a little boy, not a wife beater, not a drug addict, not a ‘hardcore l33t gamer’…a man. A man who is working to not only improve his life, but is working to help improve mine. If you can find someone that is willing to make huge sacrifices (and visa versa) for your happiness, even if it only has 10% to do with you, that is the one true gift that you may never receive if you pass it by.

I see myself being happy for the rest of my life. I see myself having every dream fulfilled, no matter how large or small they are. I see myself being able to have the relationship that I’ve only ever heard of or an “As Seen on TV” situation. If all of this meant losing my soul-mate in the process…I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take it’s place!

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go the fuck away.

My desktop is officially dead. I’ve run all of the diganostics that I possibly could and after all of my work the only possible things wrong with it are either the video card or the mother board are some how corrupt. Instead of spending the money there, I’m just going to buy an external HD case and plug my hard drive into it so I can get my files. Then I’ll basically be scrapping my desktop for parts because eventually when I get the rest of the $1800 offers to go through, I’ll just buy myself a new desktop. I configured one at HP.com that’s only going to cost me about $550. I don’t need a monitor, or anything special I just need the desktop. Hell…I don’t even need the hard drive but unfortunately you have to get that too.

My desktop was basically a bastard since day one. Joe spent a lot of time and effort getting it to run properly and now I find it a bit weird that literally 3 months after his death the computer is dead. The only thing original on the desktop (from when I had it built 4 years ago) is the RAM and the DVD Player. Everything else on this thing was new. The mother board, the graphics card, the processor, the hard drive, and cd/rw, the case, there’s about 10 fans in there…it’s just unfortunate.

I’m positive the hard drive still works because not only is it only a year old but it’s also loading up as a slave drive to the computer in the living room. Unfortunately there’s not enough ram on this computer in order for me to actually do anything. That mixed with the fact that this is the first time I’ve been able to get online since Friday afternoon, thanks to no one being home breathing down my neck.

My laptop just reached the HP service center and the estimated return date is the 20th, which I doubt will actually be the case because it shouldn’t take that long to pop out the screen and then clean off the blot. So hopefully I’ll have it on Friday instead of the 20th, that’s really what I’m shooting for right now.

I’ve been bored out of my god forsaken mind for the last three days. It’s got nothing to do with my lack of ‘internet’ because I really could care less about that. It’s my lack of ability to do any WORK because when I’m not working I’m usually itching for things to do. I’ve read three books, watched a few DVD’s that I’ve seen a thousand times before and I’ve hand-written enough private journal entries to the point that my hands are cramped up like no tomorrow. It’s really annoying. I’m considering sleeping later than 7am but then when I do have my computer back I won’t be able to wake up in time to punch in, so there goes that idea.

Thanks to WordPress, I’ve basically pre-posted the next month’s worth of The Mobile Meme so that posted early this morning. I’m working on setting up a mailing list that’s connected to WordPress so that particpants are emailed (optional of course) whenever the new article is posted. So if you do happen to be a Mobile Meme member, head on over there and fill out this weeks meme.

In any event, people are starting to come home and I really don’t want to deal with any of them so I’m going to head back in my room. I will return any and all comments as soon as I can get out here for more than 10 minutes. I’m going to say sometime tomorrow because Dad and my sister will be at work and I’ll be able to sit here and concentrate.

Later gators.

So the WEIRDEST thing happened today. While I was getting some work done I noticed something crawling on the screen of my laptop. I figured I’ll just brush it off and kill it, no big deal. Little did I know, the fucker was IN the screen. I don’t know how it got there or where it came from but this little bug was just walking around the screen as though he owned it. It’s now a big red blot in my screen, which can be seen here. So now I’ve already got to send it back to HP to be serviced. I would have done it myself but I refuse to take the screen apart because then I’d have to deal with fucking up the warrenty, something I don’t want to do.

So FedEX will be dropping off a box for me to put my laptop in sometime over the next 48-hours and I’ll be shipping it back to HP soon after. It’s going to take about 7 days (in total) and then it’ll be back to me. I have to take my battery out and my hard drive too. It’s easy stuff so I’m not overly concerned about that. I’ll have to move myself back to my desktop for a little while but that’s ok because I have the same resources setup for both computers. It’s just the weirdest thing in the world that this actually happened. I’ve never once heard of a bug getting IN the SCREEN of a laptop. This is why I swear I’d enjoy being surrounded by cement for the rest of my life so it’s easy to kill the fuckers before they can get into anything.

So that’s the excitement for my night. I’m currently tuning into K-IRB listening to Radio X with John & Erica. The show just started so there isn’t much going on as of yet. I just hope it’s a fairly decent one because I’m having a sucky night.

: sigh :

Okay, so it took me a little longer than I would have wanted it to but I’ve finally got some pictures of the new laptop to show off. I never got around to unplugging the USB chord from the desktop until this afternoon so here they are.

(more…)

So I’m happy to announce that this is my first mobile blog. It’s so mobile to the point that I’m working security with Alicia tonight and there’s someone in the area who doesn’t know how to password protect their network. It’s not a strong connection but it’s enough to keep me entertained.

I have most of my programs installed, I still have a lot of files transfer over though. I forgot that you only have about 40 default windows fonts, I have to transfer the 5k or so from my computer when I get home later.

The router was a bitch to setup though, it would NOT read the network for the life of me. It’s all squared away now though. I spent the bulk of the afternoon outside rubbing it in that I was wireless and my neighbor wasn’t. Since there’s a new network in the house, her laptop went a little nutty trying to connect. I was amused, she was upset…that was good enough for me.

I’ve got excellent battery life on this thing too. I was outside for about three hours downloading and only used up about 10% of my battery so that worked out nicely. Right now I’ve still got about 85% left and this is after I installed all of my programs so that definitely works for me.

I have pictures, but the camera isn’t with me so I’ll have to upload them later. I tried getting a pic of the delivery guy because I was just so damn giddy but he wouldn’t, so that’s ok.

I didn’t pay much attention to Bella today, I was too busy playing with my new toy. I played with her all morning though. I knew that once FedEx showed up that I’d be preoccupied.

It was like Christmas today though. The laptop showed up and then a few hours later the table showed up. I didn’t even hear UPS pull up this time, he just dropped off the table and left. So I setup the table, threw the cloth on it and now my patio is about 80% complete. I’m just waiting on the Roll-n-Grow to show up and then I’ll pick up the flower boxes. I know it takes 4-6 weeks for them to kick in so we’ll see what happens there. I don’t even think I was charged for them yet because my credit statements aren’t reading anything. It was only $30 though so that’ll click in soon enough.

In any event, the signal is getting weak so I’m gonna head off.

Toodles

[update] – As of May 26, 2006 @ 8:45 AM, my laptop is on FedEx vehicle for delivery — WEEE!!! Estimated Arrival Time: 10:30 AM [/update]

Okay, since I’m home now I figured I could actually go back to writing my original post. I was in the middle of typing it when I was in the car with Alicia but then the car died so that’s what happened there.

In reference to a previous comment – I don’t know if it’s Nextel dial up service, I just know it plugs into the side of the laptop and it gives you a Dial-up/DSL type of connection through a cell phone. It’s not actually plugged into the cell phone though, I don’t really know the name of the service I just know it’s through Sprint/Nextel and very bulky.

I already had an email telling me how dumb I was for posting the last entry. See, here’s the thing. I know jack shit about cars. Yes, my sitting there on the computer while we both looked at each other in total confusion was probably the wrong thing to do but she didn’t care. So when you send an email to me telling me how ‘stupid’ I am “Tina” I suggest you learn to think things through before you give your two cents.

Her cars running fine, she thinks it’s a computer issue. We weren’t doing ANYTHING and then for some reason the car just would not turn over. She fully shut the car down, got out of it, locked it and let it sit for a minute. She unlocked, got back in and then everything seemed to be working fine. The weird thing was that the clock reset itself, so tomorrow she’s bringing it to the shop to have it looked at.

I believe I’m going to be with her again tomorrow night as well. See, her fiancé usually does the security stuff but for the next 5 days or so he’s going to be working at a fair out east, so she’s covering his shift in Hicksville. She asked me to come along to keep her company, and I don’t mind because I don’t want her sitting by herself in an abandoned lot until midnight anyway so that’s fine with me.

On another note, my FedEx tracking updated and my laptop is currently departing from Anchorage, Alaska. The exact status is Departed FedEx location. I’m excited, its coming a lot quicker than I thought it would so maybe it will actually be here on Friday morning. I won’t mind that at all, this means I have a full weekend to relax in bed while I’m nursing myself back to health.

As I said a few entries ago, I was rather sick this weekend. To the point that not even water wanted to stay down and it was driving me insane. I felt fine for a little while. I had a drink at Alicia’s last night and it kind of made my stomach a little over active. Dinner tonight though, totally killed me.

We stopped at a pizza place down by the site and picked up some Manicotti. The first problem we had with it was the fact that two dinners, six mozzarella sticks and two 16oz soda’s cost freaking $38, which makes no sense to me considering it says $7.50 on the wall. So even then it should only be like $30 at most, so that was annoying. The food itself kind of sucked. My stomach is absolutely killing me right now too. So my bed is definitely calling my name.

There haven?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢t been any updates on my table yet. I’m a little concerned though. According to Kmart’s website the table weight is 30lbs, according to UPS tracking its telling me that it’s 70lbs. I also just received an email telling me that I was credited for $13.14; meanwhile I requested the refund on the FULL price of the table. So I’m going to have to call up Kmart tomorrow and raise a big stink. I know I ordered the new table but unless they’re voiding that second order and just transferring funds, I have no idea what’s going on. I would like this resolved as soon as possible because at this point I’ve spent over $100 for a table that cost $25.I was refunded for the shipping, it takes 10 days for them to reprocess the order to refund the rest. :whew:

In any event, I’m going to bed so I can wake up bright and early and bitch out some Kmart support members.

Goodnight all.

So I’m working security with Alicia tonight and we’ve been sitting here for about 3 hours chatting away with basically nothing to do. I’m only online now because of the oh so nifty Nextel wireless internet thingie plugged into the side of her computer.

We went to make a break for it and the car won’t turn on. The lights and everything go on but it won’t turn over, which is something that makes absolutely no sense. She’s in the process of calling AAA so that we can get someone out here to figure out what’s going on. Her fiance is about an hour away working security at another site so its not like he can come out here and do anything for us either. It’s something neither of us understand.

It’s funny though, a few minutes ago she was telling me to write a post about how much she loves me and would fuck me like no tomorrow. Welp, I guess we have all the time in the world now, don’t we?

UT It turned on, that was FREAKISHLY WEIRD.

Gotta go!