On Wednesday I received a call at work from Sean where I was told to sit down and then told that Lucy was in a bad car accident on Tuesday night on her way home from school. I’ve known Lucy since 11th grade in high school. Her, Pat and I were three peas in a pod and then we lost touch for a while after I’d graduated. For the past few years it was an AIM conversation here and there being as I was in Delaware, but when I came back up in June things were just different.
She was here every day, she turned into a member of the family to the point that I guess you could say that this was just another home that welcomed her with open arms. She was my best friend, she got me through a lot of shit in my life and she was always there when I needed someone the most.
Now I’m completely lost. Words can not even begin to describe what’s going on in my head and how empty I feel with out her here. I keep seeing her out of the corner of my eye. And as soon as I look over it fades like a lifetime movie.
She was here on Sunday. She had dinner with Sean and I, hung out on the couch for a little while…we had a cig outside and she left to go home to study because while she was off from work for winter recess, she still had school at night. She never missed a day, she was a straight A student and she was leaving school from an exam. The only thing different about her is that she was talking about how tired she’s been for the last couple of days. She wasn’t getting much sleep lately and I believe (as numerous others do) that she fell asleep at the wheel.
My step fathers EMS/Fire department was the closest to this call (he’s the chief). They showed up on scene and there were so many people working on her. They brought her back a few times, they had her in the E.R. ready to transport to the O.R. and then they just lost her. She hit directly on the drivers side and suffered head trauma and internal injuries. Her sister said that her hand felt as though she had no bones. She was just lifeless and fighting it until she couldn’t fight it anymore.
This one is hitting me harder than Joe. I knew he wasn’t going to be around forever and he was sick for a long time before he passed away. Lucy was perfectly healthy, she was just tired and wound up hitting a tree so she was just ripped from a world that loved her.
My world will never be the same. When someone so small can make such a huge impact and then be ripped from your life all you can do is go through every text book emotion of grief. Sadness, Anger and then excessive laughter due to all of the wonderful memories, and everything else.
Her wake is today, funeral is tomorrow, and I’m completely spent. Pat and I found the tree on Wednesday night, he visited it multiple times yesterday. I can’t even bring myself to pick up the keys to go back for myself. I can’t pick myself up to even go and talk to her father and the last thing in the world that I want to see is that casket.
She was my muse, my best friend, my pet midget, my little sister and one of the few left that still called me “Mom”. She took great care of me and I did everything I could to make sure that she was always taken care of.
I always looked forward to weekends because I knew she was going to be here and we’d always find something extremely productive to keep ourselves amused. I no longer have that.
My sister is shaken up because, again, Lucy was a member of our family. She’s been holding it back though. Sean has had a few break downs as well.
This is one of the lowest points in my life, and I honestly don’t even know how I’m going to bounce back from it. I have to continue going on with my life and continue to deal with all of the people who truly deserve to be in her place.
She was a kind person, never hurt anyone a day in her life. She was always there when you needed her. She never once could keep you from smiling and she always had a way of letting you know that she’d support any choice you make as long as it made you happy.
I’m going to miss her terribly.